Friday, March 04, 2011

Calgon Take Me Away

We made it 4.5 years with Carson, and 1.5 years with Keaton …. until today we have never experienced puke in the car.

My sweet hubby has taken the day off to spend with his loving family before he leaves for his annual "Dude's Weekend". 

After a successful speech therapy session (where Jeremy got to experience what's it's like to be trapped in a 5x5 observation room with a toddler for 30 minutes), we were headed to Target to pick up birthday presents for another round of parties this weekend.

Then we heard the first burst of barf. In the car seat. Small-ish amount that was all contained within the jacket.
Small enough that we chalked it up to a fluke.

Joked about the "what if" it's a stomach virus and I'm trapped at home all weekend with pukies and no daddy.

Pulled over, cleaned up with the two wipes I had left, yes, I'm usually a very ill-prepared mother. And naughtily left the barfy wipes on the side of the parking lot. Carson tattled that we were littering but quieted down quickly when we pointed out the other option was to put the pukey wipes next to him.

Quick and easy trip to Target. Made it all the way to the parking lot, clipped Keaton in to his carseat and then...

Then he erupted. Projectile puke that spewed all over like a sprinkler. I swung my purse out of the way, phew!

Jeremy's eyes nearly popped out of his head and he went instantly white at sheer volume of stomach contents lying in pools on and around our dear child, and sprayed all over the back of the seat.


"Run back in and buy wipes" I commanded.

He ran as fast as he could -- I think to get away from the puke- I questioned whether he'd actually come back or not.

And then as I pondered my next move, How do you get a puke covered kid out of a carseat?

It started again. My fingers slipped on the puke coated straps and release button as the projection began. As fast as I pulled him out, the puke rained all over everything.

Carson's leg.

Into the pocket on the back of the seat.

My Thomas Guide.

Three library books.

My floor mats

And ALL over Keaton himself.

My mind was racing and blank all at the same time.

Keaton stood looking shell shocked in the parking lot and, thank God, didn't move a muscle.

The towels in the swim bag were my only option but in a moment of delirium, I still thought we could make it to swim class in 20 minutes. Fortunately the moment passed and I cleaned as much as I could with the towel.

Stripped off Keaton's shoes and pants.

And then Jeremy came flying across the parking lot, ripping out baby wipes with a speed known to few. We started un-bagging the Target purchases to contain all of the nasty towels and wipes.

It wasn't enough but enough to get Keaton back in the seat and head home. Carson was beside himself with sadness that we were missing swim class AND it was going to be the first time Daddy was going to witness his amazing swimming.

Bless his heart, Keaton fell asleep on the way home. We all felt vomitous from the horrible smell that hung heavy in the car.

I called the school searching for the duration of this icky illness. Bout four hours is the best they could tell me, and oh by the way, if the parents get it, plan on being down for a few days. A few days!!??

I wish I could say our story ended there. But alas.

I have now cleaned up three or four more puke explosions. Jeremy was able to help as much as he could. He was a trooper and cleaned out my car. Thank God we have a second set of car seats as the puke one is out of commission soaking in bleach.

But now, Jeremy is on his way to Dude's Weekend. I am solo. I am praying. Praying this mean little virus comes and goes quickly.

For the mom's about to email me and tell me my husband is a lousy guy for leaving, he did try to stay. I wouldn't let him. But I did tell him that if I get it, or if both boys have it tomorrow, he's catching the first bus back to Portland!

Selfishly, did I mention I had to cancel a ladies night out tonight? Oh and that I have clients flying in tomorrow to house hunt? And two birthday parties to attend? Holy hell how am I going to get through this?

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